That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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