i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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