Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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