Don't make out with my wife yet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
