We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
