He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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