Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
