i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
