They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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