It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
