so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
honey bunches of taint.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
