I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
