i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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