halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
