I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
