im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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