Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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