Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
