Your tits are I can't wait for
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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