he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
