I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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