Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
