i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
