I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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