he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
