I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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