i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
