the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
