it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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