Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
