About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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