new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Enjoy the penises
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
