Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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