fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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