Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
