I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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