ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
