so that wasnt chicken after all
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
