break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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