I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
