i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
