It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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