Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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