I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
