a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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