Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
