No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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