a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
