She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
