He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
