i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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